Is 2017 actually coming to an end?! Mate the year has been like my whole life. I feel. So to think that it is finally coming to an end. Cheers to that.
Sometime I wonder about you. Did you graduate?! Did you get the job? What’s your life like? And then I remember that you chose to forget. So I imagine you are very happy and you are living your best life. That makes me happy and then I keep going. Until the next time.
But I realised that I have been unfair to the one person who, as time passes by I realise I may still love. Seeing a therapist opens up a lot. Especially when she asks, “are you ready to talk about it?!” So you start asking yourself so many questions which lead to more questions. Ah.
Anyway, Simba, as I called him. I realise I may not appreciate him enough and that could have been why he left innit. But so I started thinking do I do that with my friendships as well. If I do something for you or treat you in a way I expect it back the exact way when in reality you may be actually using a different language to show love.
No I am not making excuses for all the shit he put me through but to be fair I put him through much as well. And he never once asked me to apologise. Although I did, I still do. We were just a mess 🤷🏿♀️🤷🏿♀️. But one thing is that he was ALWAYS there for me. Even when I was being dumb and dramatic and silly. ALWAYS. Not many people were as loyal.
He complained that all I do is insult him. I don’t think he realised it’s because I was still jealous. To be fair I don’t think I realised it too. Until I was asked “Are you ready to talk about the 7 years together?” Seven is hard to erase. Even when you think you have moved on and fallen in love with someone else.
If you read this, I just wanted to apologise. It was too much. There is nothing you did that warranted that. I was hurt and I still am but I also still miss you 🤷🏿♀️🤷🏿♀️🤷🏿♀️. It sucks. I don’t know how to communicate that to you so it gets all muddled up and comes out bad.
But I am striving to do better. To let everyone know that I do appreciate them. I hope it doesn’t get lost along the way. I kind of love and need the people in my life at the moment. Also to communicate better. Maybe I should just write everyone a letter.