Forgiveness 1/490

Dear K,

How have you been mate? It has been forever hasn’t it? I do hope that everything is going well with you and your family. I cannot really complain, there has been a lot that has happened since we last spoke but I have to say Glory to God because the blessings have been unending.

However, I wish when Jesus said that we forgive seven times seventy He would add how hard it is. I used to think that I was good at this forgiveness thing but I realise that it goes deeper than just thinking that you have forgiven someone. Once you truly forgive someone you let the mistake go. My ex-roomate and good friend V would say that one of her weaknesses was that she holds grudges and I never used to understand that but now I realise that she had just matured enough to realise that it is not as easy as we thought.

I have been hurting since October because I refuse to forgive I try so hard to make reason for what happened and because of that I have not been able to just forgive. However many apologies I have received I have not understood that as a human he had short comings and was also growing up. I had made him to be perfect and that is the other problem that we as humans have. We revere someone that we think they can never hurt us but we forget that they are still human and they will make mistakes and that sometimes that might come back to hurt us. Someone who cares will not hurt you intentionally, I genuinely believe this. I have said before I do not believe in apologies unless you understand what exactly you are apologising for. I think one of the most misused word is sorry, and I know I am guilty of this but I have never valued that word like I did this weekend. I have said it with so much meaning but I also felt like it was not enough.

But the hardest thing to do is forgiving ourselves. I know I will not be able to forgive anyone else unless I forgive myself. I put so much pressure on myself that I forget that I am human and I am  allowed to make mistakes and that I will fail all the time before I get it right. My God has forgiven me and if He finds me worthy of another chance over and over and over and over again, who am I to deny myself that right. Also not letting go of that energy means that I am just carrying around Bad Vibes and we no want that!

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So my new promise to myself this weekend is to learn to forgive myself and to forgive others. Like really forgive not just saying it and taking any opportunity I get to remind someone how much they hurt me and not spending half my weekend reminding myself how much they hurt me. Also understanding that forgiveness takes time and that asking it from someone else means I need to be ready to be rejected.

Thank you for always being there K 🙂 Talk later xx

Ps: I love you K.O, I am sorry.

This time I will not share a song but just ask you to tune in to Unverified Radio every Monday-Thursday 5-7pm and listen to #Wheelsup. (Kenya Moja, Tunein App, http://www.unverified.co.ke) Okay just tune in always but especially at that time.

 

 

 

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